A Quest for a Quest
by Roy SweetSnow
Summary: An author doing a fan fic. The cast gives their words at the end of the day to tell how crappy they felt towards this fan fiction.
1. It all begins

Chapter 1: The Kidnapping of an Ice Wizard  
  
It was a Sunday morning and I, Nikki, had a rude awakening of my best friend, Lianna, trying to freeze demons then seeing if they can still move...and they couldn't. Well those demons ended up killing her later, but of course we can't die because this is a piece of paper with words. Seeing as Lianna is the master of Ice, I guess I'm the master at Fire. The demons that Lianna was previously freezing threw her off a cliff 100 feet from the air; I rushed down to the bottom and quick as I could. When I got there, she was perfectly fine on her two legs.  
  
"What happened?" Lianna asked. Obviously hitting her head in that sharp pointy rock with red marker on it...no wait that's blood.  
  
"You fell 100 feet from the air and miraculously survived" I answered in a told-you-so attitude. Of course, Lianna never listens. In fact, no one listens to me. I bet when I talk it sounds like glub ba dub dub glub glub dub. But like I said earlier, no one listens...I looked up from my sigh and saw that Lianna was cuffed and kidnapped. I was actually not caring because she was laughing. And seeing as Lianna never takes anything seriously, she laughs when she's about to die. I walked back home, assuming she would get die and come back to my house. But she didn't.  
  
"Hn" said my brother, a short fire demon. I started to whimper. "What's wrong with you, girl?" He asked "you look like someone you know was just kidnapped by some mysterious person" I was actually sleeping and woke up with a jump.  
  
"Stop with the cupcakes!" I yelled in a quick sentence. I looked at him curiously. "GEEZ BROTHER, you didn't have to give me a freaking heart attack." Then I remembered something. Then I lost it. Then I remembered it again. "Hey Hiei, what if I told you that Lianna was kidnapped and I have no clue how to whisper to her?"  
  
"I'd have to kill you" He said calmly. He was supposed to watch over her while Kurama was away. Of course he wasn't lying because he killed me 3 times. "But, now I know she was kidnapped because I remember the last time you asked me one of these questions...  
  
*flashback*  
  
"...what if I said that I accidentally hit Lianna over the head with a rock and killed her?" I asked. Soon I realized I was being chased by Hiei with his katana.  
  
*end of flashback*  
  
Hiei shook his head and looked at me. "Hmm...I wonder what happened to you when Lianna came back..."  
  
*flashback*  
  
Whoa! We can't afford two flashbacks in one chapter.  
  
*end of flashback*  
  
Hiei stood up and looked up at me. "C'mon retard, we gotta get Lianna back." I saw my brother's ear twitch; I can tell he was hearing something.  
  
"Hiei! Help me! I was kidnapped!" Lianna said using telekinesis.  
  
"No shit Sherlock" Hiei replied. And of course I didn't know telepath cause they all said I was crazy in the mind and I could make someone explode.  
  
"Shut up. I know who kidnapped me too! It was Ryouko- I mean God." She told Hiei.  
  
"Nice going, asshole! You just killed the story." Hiei yelled back. He's always swearing at us, I guess it's because were really big screw ups.  
  
`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'  
  
Author's note: I think this fan fiction will turn out pretty nice if the actors would just stop screwing up.  
  
Nikki's note: I was going to back away from this fan fiction when I heard Hiei was going to be my brother. But I decided that this was all for the money.  
  
Lianna's note: The first chapter sucks! I only talked once, and I got kidnapped. The pussy's get kidnapped, am I the pussy in this story?!  
  
Hiei's note: I really wanted to kill Nikki in this story because she kept using telepathy and talked to me during my scenes to screw me up. I was this close to taking out my katana on her... 


	2. Meet Kurama

Chapter 2: The Journey for finding Lianna  
  
And so, me and my brother were starting on our journey to find and rescue my best friend, Lianna.  
  
After walking about 20 feet we grew tired and decided to rest under a tree for some shade.  
  
"Hey brother, what's that?" I asked as I pointed to an odd shape approaching. Noticing that it was green, I scratched my head and asked, "Is that a walking tree?"  
  
Hiei rolled his eyes. "Yes Nikki, that's got to be it."  
  
Obviously missing his sarcasm, I was surprised that Hiei seemed to agree with me for once. "Really? You think so?!"  
  
"NO! Nikki, what the hell is your problem?! Where do you think we are, Middle-Earth?! No, that is not a walking tree you dumbass." Honestly, Hiei thought, she is just too much. What the hell does she have for brains anyway? Unicorn crap?  
  
As the object came closer, I saw that it was a demon with red hair in a green outfit.  
  
"Hello, my name is Kurama. You two must be Hiei and Nikki. Mayumi sent me to help you guys, she also wanted to tell Hiei that he's a jackass for taking her money" He said with a smirk.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Sorry, I tuned out for a second, who are you again?" I asked.  
  
"His name is Kurama, retard, Kurama." My brother scolded.  
  
"Kurama retard Kurama? That's a funny name."  
  
"NO! Retard, his name is just Kurama."  
  
Kurama walked past us. "I'm guessing you guys are going to want weapons."  
  
"Yeah! I need a sharp, pokey thing. Let's go!" I said, excited to kill...Kurama showed us to a weapon shop in a small village. Even though I didn't know who he was, I had a strange feeling that I knew him.  
  
"Hey there, sonny," The old man said behind the desk of the weapon shop. "In the market to buy some new sharp, hurty things, are ya?"  
  
"Uh...yeah. Sharp...hurty things. I would've said pokey, myself..." I started.  
  
"Ooh, fresh out of pokey things, just have hurty."  
  
"Oh well, I guess hurty will have to do."  
  
My brother stepped aside of me. "No, it won't. We need sharp, hurty AND pokey dammit! With special markings and cool handles! Come on."  
  
"You'll be back!" The old man wheezed as Hiei dragged me out from the store.  
  
"We'll see, won't we?" Hiei said as he stole a sword for him.  
  
"Hey Kurama, why don't you go ahead and use your powers to destroy the building?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know, something gives me a bad feeling..."  
  
"That's your conscious, learn to ignore it." A few seconds after saying that, he used his powers to wrap vines around the store and it exploded for some odd reason, along with the old man.  
  
"I'm hungry" I said, tugging on Hiei's cloak.  
  
"Quite whining, Ms. Retard McWhinealot"  
  
"I have something" Kurama said as he pulled Trix cereal from his pocket. He poured me and Hiei a bowl with milk as well as himself. As we were eating, we saw the Trix bunny pop out from the bushes and lunge at our cereal. I bit into a lollypop and cracked it in half, causing the bunny's sensitive ears to explode and the Trix bunny died.  
  
"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" I said, laughing.  
  
"What the hell was that?!" Hiei questioned.  
  
"I call it Dragon Fang. Get it? Dragon Fang? My fangs? Get it? Do ya? Do ya? WELL? DO YA?! DO-" I was soon impaled in the stomach with Hieis fist and knocked out. `~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~ `~'~`~'~`~'  
  
Author's note: This chapter actually went out pretty nice. Not many screw ups.  
  
Nikki's note: Yeah...I got punched and knocked out, I seriously did. That really annoyed me. What's the humor in knocking someone out?  
  
Hiei's note: I warned her about that telepathy thing, I did. I was told not to knock her out, but the director thought it was funnier this way. The whole cast cracked up.  
  
Kurama's note: when I was acting, there was this bug that flew into my eye. It happened 4 times, I kept them all in my eye so that I wouldn't ruin the story and almost lost my eye sight. 


	3. Mental Institution

Chapter 3: In Ryouko's Evil Lair...  
  
"Well...this could've been worse I guess" Lianna sighed as she was hanging over a lava pit upside-down.  
  
"Yes...this plan is most definitely the most evil plan I've ever had...I will drop this Ice Wizard into the lava pit and then obtain her powers" Ryouko laughed.  
  
"Don't you see a little problem with your plan?" said Yusuke, Ryouko's assistant in evil.  
  
"My plan is perfect! How dare you insult the perfectness of my perfect plan!"  
  
"But you'll drop the pup into the lava!"  
  
"And after that...I will obtain her powers. You should've paid attention in our last meeting."  
  
Lianna finally spoke, "Wow, this sure is taking a long time to kill me." She was being lowered into the lava about 20 feet from the air at about an inch an hour.  
  
Yusuke entered the room that Lianna was in. "I hope you are having fun..."  
  
"No shit. I'm hanging from a rope 20 feet in the air above a boiling lake of lava that has some 70 year old blind grandpa working the crane."  
  
"You're gay."  
  
"You're a dumbass."  
  
"Your mom."  
  
"Your mom's mom!"  
  
Yusuke coughed. "Well, excuse me; I'm going to steal shampoo from the bathroom." He walked through the door and as you guessed, into the bathroom. Lianna remained swinging back and forth  
  
*Back in the small village where our heroes were currently just waking up from another night of hell*  
  
I regained conscious from when Hiei knocked me out. I walked over to him and attempted to punch him back, but failed.  
  
Kurama had to break up our fight. "Guess what? Since we know who kidnapped Lianna, and on the way there is the mental institution for gifted demons...I was um, thinking if we can um...go visit my sister there and bring her along with us?"  
  
Hiei gave him a blank look. "No."  
  
"Please? She has powers and I'm sure she'd help us out!"  
  
"If it's on the way there, then I guess we can take a visit. But I assure you that we're not bringing a mental patient with us."  
  
Well it took us about 5 minutes until we finally got to this 'mental institute' thing Kurama was talking about. We walked inside and found ourselves little children running around, mental.  
  
Two girls with levitation powers were playing with blocks and put them together in the air to make the sentence 'Life Sucks' out of blocks.  
  
Another kid was burning the couch. "Burn. BURN!"  
  
Kurama went up to the front desk as I was teaching the fire kid some new techniques. Hiei walked up to a kid who was bending spoons. The spoon kid tossed Hiei a spoon.  
  
"Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, only realize the truth."  
  
Hiei looked at him. "Which is?"  
  
"There is no spoon."  
  
"There is no spoon?" Hiei thought he understood what the kid meant, so he tried to bend the spoon with his mind. He concentrated hard, having a lot of trouble and shaking a little.  
  
The spoon kid yawned. "Problem?"  
  
"No, I got this. Okay?" He now had both hands wrapped around the spoon. He stopped, he was breathing hard, and he looked at the kid. "Hey kid, what's that over there?" He pointed behind the kid.  
  
The spoon kid looked behind him and during this time, Hiei bent the spoon with his hand before the spoon kid looked back. "Hey!"  
  
"Well, would you look at that? I bent the spoon."  
  
The kid smirked. "There is no Hiei."  
  
"There is no Hiei?" Soon, Hiei felt his body being twisted like the pile of bended spoons. "Okay, I'm just gonna to walk over there..." Hiei was soon consumed in flames.  
  
"Burn. BURN!"  
  
"Sorry Hiei! I didn't think he'd try that new trick on you." I yelled.  
  
"YOU LITTLE SON OF A BI-" Hiei was interrupted by Kurama.  
  
"Bad news guys, it looks like as if my sister ran away from this place..." he looked kind of disappointed.  
  
Hiei on the other hand formed a smile, so I guess he was glad we didn't have a mental person coming with us.  
  
"What are you talking about? We still have THIS mental demon." He said, pointing to me.  
  
"I guess we should be on our way then, no use of searching for her." Kurama said, a little weak in his voice. He walked out and me and Hiei looked at each other. We shrugged and followed him out the door and some little kids dragged onto our pants.  
  
In a proper story, the heroes of the story would face many dangers and fiends to fight in battle. Or they would see many great landscapes and wonders and beautiful areas no one can imagine. But this is not a proper story.  
  
"Well we're here." Hiei sighed and we walked upon a sign that said 'Ryouko's Lair, this way'. I guess he really wanted to try out his new sword...that he stole of course because he couldn't afford anything. "The place we've been looking for...it's your choice if you two want to go through this door, but you might die."  
  
"Huh? What door?" I asked, dumbfounded.  
  
"You're standing the wrong way."  
  
"OOhh..." I turned the other way.  
  
"Dumbass, pay attention or you could risk all of our lives! Seriously, never in my life have I ever met someone so..." He stopped just in time to see me walk in the door. "WAIT! YOU MORON!" He chased me in with Kurama following close behind.  
  
`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~ `~'~`~'~`~'  
  
Author's note: Hiei was going crazy when he was told not to kill the spoon kid after he bent him. I guess after he killed the camera crew, we just kinda stop laughing at him.  
  
Nikki's note: Yet again, Hiei was mad at me for teaching that fire kid that one fire technique.  
  
Lianna's note: I finally get to talk, where the hell was I in the 2nd chapter?  
  
Hiei's note: *temporarily in jail*  
  
Ryouko's note: I think I'm a good bad-ass! I like, totally rocked this chapter. But that short, black haired son of a bitch went crazy and wrecked my motorcycle!  
  
Yusuke's note: Shouldn't I be the hero? I must be the hero! Dammit I'm going on strike!  
  
Kurama's note: Lianna, who plays herself, is my sister in real life. I hope I get to strangle her at the end of the fan fiction.  
  
Spoon boy's notes: There is no Hiei.  
  
Fire kid's notes: Burn. BURN! 


	4. Split up, gang!

Chapter 4: Split Up, Gang!  
  
As Hiei was chasing me though the Lair of Ryouko, I was slowing down. I tripped over a lizard and squished it, and then I fell into a pit of hot, boiling lava. Hiei caught my tail with his fist just in time! My hero! Then he dropped me.  
  
"AAHHHHH!!" I screamed as I fell down into the pit of lava. "SOME HERO YOU ARE-"I landed on a cliff that came out of the wall.  
  
"Nice going, retard! Thanks to your dumb shit, we have to save you AND Lianna! I told you not to run ahead!" He yelled from above. "Grrr...retard, don't move! We'll be back to get you after we save the other screw up." He motioned Kurama to go one way while he went the other.  
  
"What about me..."  
  
*Kurama's path*  
  
"I don't even know what this person looks like." he  
  
complained. He was 'all of a sudden' pushed into a dark room by  
  
a 'mysterious' person.  
  
"Who pushed me?" he looked around. He saw something move  
  
out of the corner of the room. It was a human a little shorter  
  
than him that crawled out of the hole. "What the heck?"  
  
"you saw me?! Damn my poor ninja skills. And I could  
  
really use a raise in my bad-ass stat." Yusuke said, who in fact  
  
was the EVIL assistant.  
  
"I'm no ordinary human..." Kurama growled.  
  
"Yeah? W-well neither am I..."  
  
"Stop with the three dots at the end of your  
  
sentence..."  
  
"Okay..." Yusuke said as he pulled out a giant battle  
  
axe. Kurama stood in a fighting pose. He formed vines around  
  
Yusuke.  
  
"The more you struggle, the more it will tighten."  
  
Yusuke easily chopped the vines with his axe, but indeed  
  
lost his battle axe as it broke in half, but he was free. He  
  
took out a red balloon. Kurama thought he was crazy. Yusuke  
  
licked his finger and ran his finger up and down the balloon  
  
quickly, causing a squeaky noise. Kurama covered her ears with  
  
his hands and struck a freakin palm tree through Yusuke's  
  
heart.  
  
"You always have to take everything too far! You're  
  
flippin mental!" Then...he died. Yay! Or...nay?  
  
Kurama took a deep sigh of relief and continued to find  
  
Lianna.  
  
*Back with Nikki*  
  
I looked around and tried to climb my way out of the  
  
pit, but was unsuccessful. I pouted and banged my head on the  
  
wall to soothe the loneliness by knocking myself out. The wall  
  
began to shake and I backed away from it. It produced a door.  
  
"Alright! I found a secret passage way! Shweetness. I  
  
can't wait to tell Hiei and that new guy." I slowly walked down  
  
the passageway and found myself in another room. But I couldn't  
  
forget my mission, which was to find Lianna. Little did I know,  
  
she was right above me, screaming.  
  
"Ahck! If only there wasn't so much screaming, I could  
  
concentrate on finding Lianna." I said.  
  
"Nikki! Look above you! Up here ya idiot!"  
  
I looked up and saw Lianna. "Hey!"  
  
"Get me down!"  
  
Nikki do this, Nikki do that...sheesh. I looked around  
  
for a clever way up, and decided on an excellent idea indeed. I  
  
saw a 70 year old man sleeping inside a cane, but I didn't  
  
bother him. I climbed up the crane and down the rope, where I  
  
was about 3 inches away from Lianna.  
  
"What the heck are you going to do now?"  
  
"I dunno, I just wanted to visit you."  
  
"This is crazy! You could've ended this all and saved me  
  
but you blew it!"  
  
"I've done crazier. Once, I ran through a subway naked."  
  
"...What were you going to accomplish by doing that?"  
  
"Eh, I guess I never really thought it out."  
  
Lianna sighed and continue to hang there, wondering how  
  
we ever met.  
  
*Hiei's Path*  
  
"Dammit, I ain't searching the whole damn place looking  
  
for this girl! I can't believe I'm risking my life for her; this  
  
place could be full of traps."  
  
As Hiei was walking, a huge ball of DOOM was rolling  
  
down the hallway, trying to run him over.  
  
Hiei luckily dodged into another room where he was shot at by 30  
  
arrows and a laser that could've chopped him in half. He managed  
  
to dodge it all, being the super flexible person that he is and  
  
because I gave him god-like stats.  
  
Tired, he sat down. He looked up just in time to see a large  
  
mace with spikes come down and tried to impale him in the head.  
  
He ducked right before the mace came down and the mace chopped  
  
off bits of hair from his head. He closed his eyes and growled.  
  
"Why the hell am I getting all the hard stuff?!"  
  
~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'  
  
Author's note: Yeah...Yusuke went on strike and demanded to be the hero. I said sure and clearly instructed Kurama to make Yusuke look like the hero for a while. CLEARLY INSTRUCTED. I didn't say anything about killing!  
  
Nikki's note: Why am I such a dumbass? Do I look that idiotic in real life?  
  
Lianna's note: Me and Nikki messed up about 17 times when she was trying to climb up the crane because the old guy working it wanted to kill her.  
  
Hiei's note: I was hit the first 6 times we tried this scene. I broke an arm, both legs, 7 arrows stuck in me, and that huge boulder smashed my foot.  
  
Kurama's note: Yusuke tried to take my position NO ONE TAKES MY POSITION. If you want to try and take it, why don't you ask Yusuke for some advice?  
  
Yusuke: *dead* 


	5. Enter Link, the Hyrulian

Chapter 5: Enter Link, who doesn't even belong in this category.  
  
Kurama was lost and had no clue where to go next. He was angry at us for dragging him into this mess. He punched the wall in anger and punched it so hard, he broke his hand. AND, he made a hole in the wall and saw me and Lianna hanging over the lava pit. She sighed in relief, then yelped in pain, then sighed again, then yelped again, and so on and so on.  
  
He peeked his head through the hole. "Are you guys alright?"  
  
"I'm feeling just peachy. As a matter of fact, I quite enjoy hanging over lava upside down for 10 hours with a crazy person. Hm? And I believe you asked me a question." Lianna talks back a lot...  
  
"Ok?"  
  
"Just get us down!"  
  
"But I can't"  
  
"Why not??"  
  
"Because I'm too fat to fit through this hole."  
  
"Then get help."  
  
"I can't."  
  
Lianna twitched. "WHY NOT?!"  
  
"Because I'm lost."  
  
"Then take that mysterious map by your foot and get the hell out of here and get some help."  
  
Kurama looked down at his feet to find a map of the lair. He picked it up and read it. It had smiley faces drawn in crayon. In fact, the whole thing was drawn in crayon. Who did this? I do not know.  
  
It was 10 minutes later when Kurama walked out of the place and started running to find some help. The first person he saw outside was a man in green (Yes...I bet you know who this person is, you're smart.) He ran up to him out of breathe and said," I need your help!"  
  
Link looked up at him; he was with this demon girl by a pay phone. "Sh Sh!" He had the phone in his hand. He looked at the girl. "Who next, Mayumi?" It was obvious they're prank phone calling.  
  
"My boyfriend, tell him we aren't dating anymore in the worst way you can think of." She sounded kind of angry.  
  
Link laughed and Kurama stood there, forgetting his mission and wondering what they were doing, since he's not much of the bad-ass type.  
  
Link picked up the phone and dialed Shesshomaru's number, who was the girl's old boyfriend.  
  
"Hello?" Came a voice from the other line of the phone.  
  
Link snickered, then said in a very manly voice, "Yeah, you and Mayumi are so over, she's with me now (he's joking of course, don't kill me) because she isn't a lesbian. And she said that my penis is bigger than yours, and that's if you fold it in half." He hung up the phone very quickly and laughed with Mayumi.  
  
"Good one!" They gave each other a high five. Mayumi turned to Kurama. "Now what did you want again?"  
  
"I need your help! These two little girl's are about to die and I can't reach them."  
  
Link stood up. "I've saved a whole kingdom from a man who looks like he's gotten a nose job way too many times. I think I can manage two little girls."  
  
"Yeah...but they're really big screw ups."  
  
"So is Zelda. But then again she's better than Peach. I mean, Peach sits around the garden picking mushrooms all day-"  
  
"Can we go now?!" Kurama begged.  
  
Link and Mayumi looked at each other and shrugged. They were soon following Kurama to Ryouko's evil lair.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Lianna, why don't you use your ice powers to freeze the lava so we can get out of here?" I asked.  
  
"Because I'm too lazy."  
  
"Pfft, and they call me lazy. I know, I'll control the lava a bit and you only have to use half of your laziness to freeze the lava pit. Hm? Hm?"  
  
"Sounds good to me...or does it?"  
  
"Oh, it does, it does..."  
  
So, Lianna used her ice powers to freeze the lava while I kept it cooled down. I then bite the rope and we fell onto the ice, safe. Then it broke. We fell in.  
  
"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Lianna yelled. We swam up back onto the ice.  
  
"Well, would you look at that? It was colored water the whole time." I said, glad it wasn't really lava.  
  
"Well what now?"  
  
And yet again, my brilliant mind had sprung an excellent idea indeed.  
  
"Make a sled out of ice, and I'll use fire as a booster. Good, huh?"  
  
"Where do you come up with these ideas?" Lianna asked. I had a blank look on my face; it was from thinking too much. She sighed and began making the sled, but had to hurry before it melts. "Jump in!" She said before dragging me inside it, it was a crappy sled indeed, just look who made it. In fact, it was the crappiest sled ever.  
  
"Ready?" She asked.  
  
"Ready Freddy."  
  
"My name's Lianna..."  
  
"Stop lying, here we go!" I then made a blast of fire and we sped off really fast into the hallway. Where we went? No one will know until chapter 6. But for now, let's see what's happening with Kurama, Link and Mayumi.  
  
Within a matter of 15 minutes they found where Nikki and Lianna were, but made a quick stop because Link had to stop and piss on a tree.  
  
"Ok." Kurama began. "Go in"  
  
Mayumi peeked in and took her head back out of the hole. "There's no one in there. You're a rapist, aren't you? You brought us to your warehouse you sick perverted bastard!"  
  
"WHAT? No! They were there a second ago, I swear."  
  
"Then I think we ought to be looking for them then."  
  
"No, really?"  
  
The three of them nodded and went down the hallways together, watching out for any traps.  
  
`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~`~'~ `~'~`~'~`~'~`  
  
Author's note: This chapter...was the biggest...pain in the ass...I thought about what was going to happen in chapter 5 for 3 flippin days. I'm trying to be as unique as possible, so BLAH.  
  
Link's note: I personally think that this girl made me an idiot in this story.  
  
Mayumi's note: No one ever told Shesshoumaru that this was just a fan fiction. He probably took that prank phone call seriously.  
  
Kurama's note: I really did break my hand; we had to stop the fan fiction until my hand healed. Man...was the cast happy.  
  
Nikki's note: I agree with Link, the director made me and him dumbasses. I mean, I'm a professional actress, I didn't know what my agent was thinking when we started this.  
  
Lianna's note: All I wanted was a beer, was that too hard to ask for? 


	6. Riding the Ice Sled and a Naughty mouth

Chapter 6: Riding the Ice Sled and a Naughty mouth  
  
Mayumi, Link, and Kurama were walking down the same exact path Hiei took, but luckily no traps. The three saw a small figure sitting against the wall, sleeping. Kurama quickly identified it had Hiei and we up to greet him. But Link decided to poke him.  
  
He managed to poke Hiei once without waking him up. Kurama feared for his poor, dear life. Before Link could poke him again, Hiei woke up, fake sleeping after the first poke, and grabbed Link's wrist and put his sword to his throat.  
  
"F*cking Touch me again and I'll f*cking cut off your hands." He growled.  
  
Link pulled back his hand and walked over to Mayumi.  
  
"Hiei, stop cursing. One full swear and we could get fired." Kurama said.  
  
The short thing looked up at Kurama and glared. "I don't need you to tell me what to f*cking do! I can f*cking swear if I want! F*ck, b*tch, damn, shit, crap, hell, whore, bastard, son of a bitc-"Before he could finish his sentence, Mayumi and Link tackled and pinned Hiei to the ground while Kurama washed his mouth out with soap.  
  
"Told you to stop. You got more?"  
  
Hiei struggled viciously but couldn't move. He scowled, grumbled, glared, sighed. "Gr! No, I'll stop f*cking swearing...shit."  
  
He got his mouth washed out again with a bar of soap. He managed to break free and everyone backed away, fearing for their dear lives. He stood up and put on hand on the wall, spitting out the soap. With clenched fists, he turned towards the trio who were far away. With his quick speed, he quickly drew his sword and caught up to them, swinging at Kurama.  
  
Kurama had taken out his rose whip before Hiei struck and they continued to battle on while Link and Mayumi watched in their amazing speed.  
  
Hiei took a quick swing at Kurama. Kurama was back-to-back with the wall, he couldn't dodge. As Hiei swung at him, he stopped quickly an inch away from Kurama's face.  
  
Kurama looked into Hiei's blade. "What made you stop?"  
  
"Hn. I could never kill my partner." He put his sword back in its sheath. "One more thing" He grabbed Kurama by the collar of his shirt and brought him to eye level, which was actually making Kurama bend down to Hiei's height. "If you EVER, put that soap in my mouth I'll shove it down your throat." He threw Kurama back to the wall and looked at Link and Mayumi.  
  
"...Who the hell are they?"  
  
"They were helping me rescue Nikki and Lianna, but it seems as thought they left."  
  
"What?! That dense sister of mine! I told her not to leave, that little son of a bitc-"He stopped, didn't want to get into THAT again. His mouth still tasted horrible, he wanted to puke.  
  
"Well, let's not stand around! We got to find these girls...girls right? Eh, let's just go, my heroic lines suck." Mayumi said, still behind Link from that battle they just witnessed.  
  
Kurama chuckled, and then nodded. The four of them continued to walk down the path that they suspected lead to Ryouko... `.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`. `.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.  
  
"Lianna! Slow down!" I yelled from the back of the sled.  
  
"We gotta problem up ahead. I can't stop this sled and we're about to go over a pit of lava on a block of ice."  
  
I sprouted yet another brilliant idea indeed. "Lianna, just continue to go off the cliff, and we should be able to make it to the other side if I give us a boost."  
  
"Nikki, you're out of your mind!" Lianna yelled back and before we knew it, we blasted off the cliff, which looked somewhat like a ramp, and did a 360 spin in the air before crashing to the other side and breaking the sled.  
  
"Yeah! That was awesome!" We both cheered and gave each other a high five.  
  
From the other side stood Tony Hawk, pro skater. "I believe that was MY move. Anyways, that was totally disgraceful. Watch a master at work."  
  
"I'm not going to watch you." Lianna snapped.  
  
"You sure? You might learn something."  
  
"Shut up I'll kill you! I hated school."  
  
"Fine, I hope God smites you!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Your mom!"  
  
"Your mom's mom!"  
  
"Your mom's fat!"  
  
Before Tony wanted anymore momma battles with Lianna, he skateboarded off the ramp and was on his way of doing a 360 spin in the air over lava...  
  
"I'll teach him to mess with me" Lianna hissed. She meant to use her ice powers to freeze his skate board so when he landed, he would trip and break a leg or something. But she actually froze something else.  
  
"Oh! MY NIPPLES! They're so cold!" Tony Hawk reached for his chest and winced. Distracted, he hit head on the other side of the cliff and fell into the lava, which was real lava.  
  
We watched him dissolve into the firely liquid below us and laughed.  
  
"Dammit, I didn't mean to kill the guy. I need some more practice on my aim..."  
  
"Eeeey, at least he didn't finish his move."  
  
"Oh yeah...well since we have no means of transportation, I think we shall walk." She said, giving me a nod as we both walked forward, unsure of where we were going.  
  
I felt the ground rumbling, but ignored it, since I don't have a sense of danger. Lianna felt it thought, she stopped and before she had a chance to talk, we fell through a hole and down a pipe thing.  
  
Lianna was of course laughing. Whenever she laughs, it means her and whoever's around her will die. Yep, it was the end for us. But I didn't want to die...yet. I gathered my fire energy and blew a hole in front of us so we would fall in it. As we did, we fell into another room.  
  
I bet you thought we would fall on Hiei, or Kurama or someone, but nooooo. That would've been too EASY for the author. The author has to make us ALL go through HELL before we kill this guy. I guess she never thought how much EASIER it would be if we just fell on Ryouko and broke his neck or something.  
  
We landed on a pile of skeletons in this weird, torture room.  
  
"We're gonna die, aren't we?" Lianna asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well if all these people weren't able to escape, how the hell are we supposed to?"  
  
"Easy, I'll unlock the door." I told her as I was jiggling with the lock. And...was unsuccessful. "Ok that's it! This door's going down!" I grabbed a skull from the ground and threw it at the door, causing a hole through the door for me to put my hand through to open it from the other side.  
  
That skull went flying with the speed I threw it at.  
  
Hiei sensed it coming at his face. He ducked and dodged it just like the arrows, and ball of doom, and lasers, and the giant mace. He looked back. "Heads up, Kurama."  
  
Kurama, who was recently having a chat with Link, didn't notice the skull coming and it smacked him in the nose, breaking it.  
  
"Heh, that was easy." Lianna said as we walked through the door to find Link laughing at Kurama, Hiei glaring at us, and Mayumi just plain freaked out. `.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`. `.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.`.  
  
Author's note: Probably my longest chapter yet! And I got *cough* my FIRST review! Yeah!  
  
Nikki's note: Damn, I'm good at throwing. I'm worried about Kurama though. The author just told me to throw it at the door hard, she said Hiei would dodge but it would hit SOMEONE.  
  
Lianna's note: *beer coming out of the side of her mouth, twitching, red eyes, obviously drunk*  
  
Hiei's note: I can't say I like this chapter because I hate this story and everyone who's in it.  
  
Kurama's note: I broke, yet again, ANOTHER body part! Wasn't it my arm the last chapter? And now my nose?!  
  
Link's note: We walked past a damn vent and my tunic flew up! I can act as well as a Goron can swim...  
  
Mayumi's note: I don't do anything, why the heck am I even IN the story? They could kill me now; throw my dead corpse over the bridge and burn the evidence and the story wouldn't change.  
  
Please Read n' Review folks! 


	7. In Ryouko's Lair

Chapter 7: Into Ryouko's Lair  
  
Hiei stood up. "What the FUCK is wrong with you?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, that was...someone else"  
  
"Hn, whatever. Retard."  
"Well let's just go through that door, which look big and suspicious." Mayumi said. Finally...  
We all exchanged looks; on the door it said 'Do Not Enter. Unless you're Evil'  
"What are you waiting for? Go in already." Link asked.  
"No, it looks too easy. No criminal is this stupid. We have to find a different way inside." Hiei said. Before he knew it, I had already opened the door and skipped inside with Lianna following. "RETARDS! WAIT!"  
The rest of them ran after us. Hiei quickly grabbed my tail and pulled me closer to him. "Don't EVER run off on me again." He threatened.  
Kurama has already lassoed Lianna with his rose whip and dragged her to us.  
"Well, well, well...it seems you found my secret room. "  
"Well that sign outside was a big help." Kurama said.  
"Silence you fools! I shall now unleash my guard people." He clapped his hands 9 times, because the other 8 times didn't work, and out came Vash the Stampede, Kenshin Himoura, InuYasha and a sad little clown.  
Link laughed at the clown as it juggled. Then we all huddled into a circle.  
"Ok, we're gonna kick their asses!" Mayumi said.  
Everyone yelled, "Yeah!"  
"And make them cry!"  
"Yeah!"  
"And kill the innocent!" I yelled.  
"Ye-a...what?"  
"No, Nikki...Just for saying that you can go in the corner and collect the dust." Hiei said coldly.  
"What will I do for fun?"  
"Tell jokes to the wall."  
"Ok..." I turned to the wall. "So, this guy walks into this bar..."  
"You are not worthy of talking to me." The wall said.  
We decided that it would be best if we each took down one person and finished off the toughest last. Hiei had Vash, Kurama had Kenshin, Link had InuYasha and us last 3 girls were stuck with the sad little clown.  
"He doesn't look so scary." Lianna said, underestimating the almighty clown.  
"Hey little kids...do you want to see a trick?" the Sad Little Clown asked.  
"Yeah!"  
Well...he did have a trick. He flicked us off in 3 different languages. "Hey kiddies! How do you like this, suckas?! Hahaha!" He then started to juggle with clubs.  
Lianna twitched. "Oh no he didn't!" she ran up to the clown and kicked him in the manhood.  
"Oh! My precious! No!" He winced in pain as Lianna punched him then took one of his clubs and whacked him across the face with it.  
I held her arm back. "Whoa! Crazy lady, he's dead already!"  
The clown...was very well indeed dead.  
Mayumi stepped next to Lianna. "Oook then, let's go see if the boys need any help then." She stepped on the clown's head and it exploded green goo. "Ah, son of a bi-"  
"C'mon, I bet there's cake!" I said cheerly while skipping into a wall.  
"Hurry up Nikki!" Lianna and Mayumi had already started jogging to Kurama, who was supposed to fight against Kenshin Himoura.  
"You will not defeat me, that you won't." Kenshin stated, taking out his reverse blade sword.  
Kurama took out a rose from his hair and it got stuck. It was tangled with his hair and he was trying to pull it out. "Hold on...one second."  
"You are not experienced, that you are not. Perhaps I should make this a fair fight and battle you with my ass, that I should."  
Kurama pulled out Puu, Yusuke's little blue bird thing, along with a couple strands of long, red hair. "Oh shoot, this is Yusuke's..." He threw Puu at Lianna and Lianna dodged out of the way, thinking it was going to hurt her and Puu flew into the wall, exploded.  
"You were supposed to catch that, Lianna!"  
"Oops, I guess I just don't like touching uncommon things from hell."  
"She should play baseball more often, that she should." Kenshin stepped in. Back at Yusuke's house  
"Oh! I feel like my arm just exploded!" Yusuke yelled.  
"Oh...but it did. It DID." Genkai exclaimed as she drank a cup of tea.  
"TEA?" I don't DO tea."  
cough I mean a cup of beer.  
"My arm exploded! What should I do now?!"  
"Replace it with a tree, dimwit. Suck it up, you only lost an arm. I got a paper cut and you don't see me whining about it."  
"Now I can't do the hokey pokey. Damn, I love that song."  
"Damn, you never shut up. Have your parents ever asked you to run away?"  
"Yes."  
"Good."  
"Fine."  
"Splendid."  
"Quite so."  
Genkai grew sick of his comments and blew up his other arm with her spirit gun.  
"Oh crap! Now I can't fly."  
"Damn, don't you EVER stop whining? You fuckhead, I didn't train you to whine when both of your arms have been blown up." Genkai said, while tying his feet to a block of cement and throwing him over a raging waterfall.  
"You'll never get away with this! I have mermaid friends!"  
"Splendid...splendid in-fucking-deed..." Back with Kurama  
"alright Kenshin...Let's get the show going." Kurama said standing up.  
"Ok, I will not hesitate to defeat you, that I will not. But I also do not kill, that I don't."  
"You really bug me, you know that?" Kurama said, while whipping around his Rose Whip with the pointy thorns on it.  
Kenshin had struck Kurama in the arm and broke it.  
Kurama winced from the pain, but since the main characters show no pain or mercy, I'll let this one slide with no crying. We could all tell this was going to be a tough battle, the two legends from two different shows. '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''' NOTES: Author: Whew! Oh god, I took like, 5 freaking months on this chapter. What a pain in the ass. Oh well, but sorry about that, guys! Nikki: Oh yeah, I talked back to Hiei and lived, how do you like them apples?! Hiei: Actually, she isn't going to live. I'm giving her 7 days. Nikki: Well...do holidays count? What about 14 days? Why not just say a week? Hiei: Look, I'm giving you 7 stupid days; I could kill you right now. Be happy. Smile. Kurama: Oh crap, it looks like I once again got hurt in this scene. I guess it doesn't matter, it makes the battle sound better I guess...But why not someone else?! Lianna: I bet no one knew...but the clown was Bill Cosby. I've always hated him. He always smiled. Even if someone punched him or cut his balls off, he'd smile. 


End file.
